Tuesday Thoughts: Anxiety Can Kiss My Butt

A post on the go today because typing on a regular keyboard is killing my hands.  I am currently in my brace because my neuropathy is flaring badly. 

This however is not the main part of my anxiety at this point in time.  No, today's anxiety attack is cause by attempting to find a doctor that I can get into like as soon as possible.  I need to get into a doctor because I am almost out of my nerve medication.  Without it I will spend most of my days in pain and be nearly useless because I cannot function when my hands are on fire and I cannot hold things. 

My day started easily enough when I started making phone calls.  The first place I called it took 40 min to get through and then I get told that they only do same day appointments and we're booked for today and I could try back tomorrow.  Then I called the original PCP that I had been assigned to and they we're booked for new patients straight through till April or May.  This is not acceptable as I am out of meds come Wednesday or Thursday if I ration. 
Mind you at this point I have changed my PCP to a new one at the health department.  So I call them and ultimately find out that the PCP I had been reassigned to only deals with HIV/AIDS patients and is only in the office two times a month.  So I try another office and finally find a place that got me in tomorrow morning at 1030.

I am ready to breakdown and find a therapist and get this crap dealt with.  I have spent most of the day currently edgy and snapping at people and crying for no reason.  I am exhausted and in all honesty disgusted with myself because I cannot actually deal with this anymore. 

I usually try and keep things a little less personal but this is starting to actively impact my daily life and I cannot function like this.  I need to figure this out and actually get my shit in line.  I have actually been somewhat triggery all weekend and yesterday.  Now it has pretty much been coming to a point especially because of what I had to deal with this morning. 

Now I am watching some NCIS because this is my comfort show and to be honest I have seen most of the early seasons so I don't need to really focus. 

That is about all I have for you today.  For now,  I bid you all a good evening and I will hopefully have something less serious for you tomorrow. 

Random Thoughts with Caedy

Okay, so the image says a lot about what has been on my mind for a while now.  I absolutely am over and done with my job and am in the process of looking for a new one, but I am so discouraged. I know that it will take time and I know that a good job or a better job won't just fall into my lap.

However, we have a few new stores opening up within the next 6 months and I am hoping that I can start working there and leave my current job because I don't find any joy in being there and I dread going there and the potential anxiety attacks that could come during any shift. Not to mention that I am over and one with the petty drama and bullshit that I have to deal with. Not to mention essentially being barred from a position that I am strongest in because of a medical issue that keeps me from working with cleaning chemicals.

I am staying afloat but there are days that are more difficult than others and I am working on getting some of the help that I need.

I would apologize for the negativity but this is something that I needed to get out of my system.

Now I am going to go meditate and relax for bed.

Lots of love,
Caedy

Unscheduled Silence and Life Updates

I do apologize for not writing anything since the release of Michael Cargill's interview, but things have been rather hectic lately and I've not had time to sit down and breath much less formulate any form of coherent reviews.  I need to get Code Name Verity done, and I need to get Beneath the Shadows done as well as they were both supposed to go live this week.  I've not forgotten you all, I've just been kind of swamped with work and fighting to get home on 3 buses every afternoon and it's been raining all week here.

I've also been working on my own little writing project, for CampNaNoWriMo, and I've been trying to catch up on my word count, because as of today, Day 6, I should have reached the 10k mark, however, I'm not even half way to the 2k mark and that is something that needs to be remedied, so I will continue to at least try and get one theme and a few interviews done during the week, a lot of my time will be devoted to my current writing project, and if EVERYTHING goes well, and I manage to survive June, I will be writing another novel in August, and then a third in November...yes I am absolutely starkers for attempting 3 months of National Novel Writing Month events, this has already been confirmed and I am not denying it.  Masochistic tendencies for the win apparently.

My 3 book series is called Songs of the Aether, and book one is titled A Tinker's Tune.  It shall be epically awesome! Here is a teeny, tiny sample of it:

This time, it was Toni that moved first, quickly starting and putting things together, and repacking them in the cases she had for them, since the lab was completely portable to begin with.  Sliding her hands through her hair, she then turned to her current tinkering, she had every intention of leaving it for them to try and claim as their own, but they did not know that she’d already had it claimed in legalities.  She quickly set about the sabotaging she had begun formulating the moment Nathan stepped out of the lab. 

“What are you doing Toni?”  Cassi’s voice caught her attention and she almost dropped the vial she held in her hand.

“Emergency measures that I’d taken some time ago that would immediately begin to degrade any tinkering that I have going at the time of termination, especially one like this one that has many uses for good or ill.”

Tonia Brock is a Doctor, aged twenty, and an experienced tinkerer.  Cassi is her mentor and I'm not sure exactly what else she is to Toni just yet, but I'm sure it will come to light sooner or later.

That's all I have for you at the moment.  I'll have something set up for the weekend, I promise.

Lots of love,

Cae